My older sister, child #3 of the family, is Adanesne Juliet T-S. She is the sibling above me, born November 7th, and is my second mother.

When I was born, I was her favorite, so she would lock herself in the master bedroom with a sleeping me in the crib and play with me like a dolly. She loved me, and would always stick by baby me.

As we grew older, she took on more responsibilities than the rest of us, and would care for me while we were in school, and keep an eye on me when she could. In middle school, I began to resent her. While I had begun 6th grade, she was in 8th grade, and became popular.

Students would come up to me and ask, “Do you know Adanesne?”

“Of course, she’s my sister.”

“She’s your sister?? She’s so cool! Can you tell her I said hi?”

And every time I was caught by myself for even a second, older students would ask me if I knew my own sister, telling me I looked so much like her, how they thought she was so cool and if I could put in a good word with her so she could talk to them.

She was popular, but I was bullied.

A boy who bullied me saw me talking to my sister and approached me when she left. “Why are you talking to Adanesne?”

“She’s my sister, if you have to know.”

“Your sister???”

“Yeah, she’s my older sister. Family. Y’know?”

“Can you tell her I said hi?”

Apparently, my bully was madly in love with my sister.

He ceased his endless teasing, bumping into me roughly and shoving me into walls, because of my sister. Why hadn’t I been as cool as her? Why did I have to live in her shadow??

I won’t lie, I used him.

He offered me gifts, homework passes, candy, all so I could put in a good word for him to my sister. And I did. Rarely.

I would randomly tell her if we were walking together and passed him, “Yeah, he’s so nice.” Or, “He helped me with homework, he’s so smart.”

But none of it was true. He was rude, and he was actually not smart, too. I wanted to have what my sister did, to be approached and offered gifts simply because I was liked. But it never worked, and in 7th grade, she was in high school, and people would still ask me for her. They just wanted to use me, to be liked by my sister, and I hated that.

She still loved me, and I still loved her. She would care for me, hangout with me, talk to me about her day, let me talk about mine, help me with homework and even go play outside with me.

I was never once unloved by my sister in the last 17 years of my life with her. If we ever fought, she’d come in when I stormed off and simply asked, “Want to go get some snacks?” as her way of apologizing.

My sister has always been there for me, convinced my mother to accept me when I came out to her, and showed me that they were my safe space. No matter how much she got on my nerves, I still loved her. After every fight, we’d apologize minutes later because we can’t bare to be angry with each other.

She doesn’t tell me often she loves me, but I know it’s because to tell me she loves me is a big thing, more meaningful. She shows me very often that she loves me, and when she comes home from work or school and I’m lying down, she’ll lie next to or on top of me and sigh. She’ll either tell me how her day went, that she’s hungry, tired, or just needs a minute. I’d give her a lifetime if she asked, and let her be.

Unless she bites me.

Then I throw hands, and we start fighting til I bite her back or she thinks she’s bit me back enough.

Sometimes, she’ll take me to the gas station so I can get down and get her snacks, and on our way back, we go to the park and sit in the parking lot with songs playing. Sometimes we talk, other times we sing, or appreciate the moment.

I love my sister, making fun of her is my job, and loving her is my job. Regardless of what happens in my future, she will always remain. If she ever dies, part of me will too, and I will never be the same. She is my other half, cut from the same cloth and sewn in similar ways.

I’d never tell her this though, she’s got a large enough ego as is. She can read it though, hi Julie!!

/\__/\

P.S I call her Jules because it sounds like Jewels and my sister is a pretty jewel. (Even though I call her ugly all the time, and people say we look alike.)